February 10, 2005
Chicks dig guys with skills
As I stood today, waiting for the F train, tugging on an impossibly long thread that led circuitously back to my jacket button (which was perilously close to detaching) I found myself once again contemplating the current state of civilization.
I believe we may, as a society, have somehow lost the knowledge and abilty to sew on buttons. I mean, at first glance, it seems like such a simple task. It's something we can all do... if we had to. Right? So why then are so many buttons flying off shirts and jackets? Why do garments - newly purchased - already have a resignation to failure and an admission of the substandard sewn into the hem in the form of extra buttons? These, I have found, inexplicably never fall off. The problem may be more serious than we realize.
In fact, I might venture a guess that if we had to start again from square one... or not even square one but maybe even 100 years ago, we might be far from able to recreate a nice comfy lifestyle. Instead, the plains would be crowded nomadic groups whose only marketable skills are setting a TIVO or writing a Google search string to find jpgs of Lindsey Lohan's nipple.
I'm tired of sewing buttons back on.
all the critical buttons are never actually tied off, the thread is just woven through enough times that it will more or less hold until they've shipped and you've bought the item.
the spare buttons are actually tied off properly. i suspect because when "good" garments are inspected for purchase by the likes of you and me, we see the spare button, so unique and critical and reassurring that the buttons and the item are special and beautiful, it makes us feel better about buying it.
also, because they're big jerks and they don't care. i guess it saves them money not to tie off string. the spare button is sort of like when your mom did your shopping and would say things like "oh these pants have a lining, do those have a lining? if they're lined they're good pants." my mom talks alot (hmm a trend)
i think the well tied spare button is a psychological selling gimic. i have a vast and critical collection of the buggers, and actually use them about 3% of the time.
and in my vision of your nomadic and questionably skilled tribe, they are all naked, except for wet and muddy grass stuck to their backsides.
Posted by: mia at February 15, 2005 09:38 AMSo you're suggesting that it's less about an atrophying skill set and more about a deliberate button conspiracy... interesting. You are certainly onto something here.
I must admit that I find the idea that this is an intentional condition even more distressing. Much more so than if it was merely incompetence that kept buttons from remaining tethered to their garments. The idea that this is somehow done on purpose is almost too much to bear. It speaks volumes about the hypothetical nomadic tribe... in addition to their dubious achievements, they are sneaky and duplicitious.
No wonder they have filthy bums.
Posted by: Charles at February 15, 2005 09:15 PM